Want

Here’s a universal problem: wanting something you haven’t yet acquired. We all carry unmet needs, unfulfilled desires. But are we ever truly unable to obtain them? Sure, we can’t fly, breathe underwater, or see through walls. But these are outside the realm of human possibility–we have no business wanting them in the first place. 

For everything else, the question isn’t ability, but cost. With enough sacrifice, there’s almost nothing we can’t do.

But “want” is a slippery word. What does it really mean to want something? I want to wake up slowly. I also want to become a licensed architect. Same word, different intensities. Our wants are defined by what we’re willing to trade for them. 

Would I spend an hour every morning savoring a slow wake-up? Not right now. 

Would I spend that hour studying for my licensure exams? Absolutely. 

Every desire, however, has its breaking point. I wouldn’t give everything for that rubber stamp. Maybe not even three hours every morning. That time might be better spent elsewhere–toward another want, another value.

So maybe we’re not “unable” to achieve our desires–we just don’t like the current exchange rate. Time, energy, money–these are finite. We can’t have everything, so it doesn’t make sense to want everything.

And even if we could, our wants shift. What you want now probably isn’t what you wanted last year, and won’t be what you want next year either. Stop holding onto the things you used to want, but no longer do; let go of the things you thought you wanted, but maybe never did. It’s okay to change your mind.

Ultimately, our distress comes from a misalignment between what we say we want and what we truly want. The work is to bring those two into harmony–either by changing our desires, or our self-concept. That process takes reflection, experimentation, and patience.

Only you can decide what you want–no one can judge you for that. But if your life is out of sync with those wants, that is worth examining.